QUO VADIS? –

/ / / / METAMORPHOSIS —\\\\\\\

Where are you going?

SUNDAY * 2020/02/02
/ / / / METAMORPHOSIS —\\\\\\\

Dear beloved people,
these words and illustrations shall facilitate the bridging of a gap in communication and foster staying in touch, hoping to make up for the lack of a one-on-one personal exchange these days. Be assured that you are ALL lively present in my inner world (some can find themselves even depicted in the illustrations) Even if you’re not aware of it you’re doing regular visits here. :) It is due to the realities of time, place, energy (02.02.2020!) but mostly due to having entered a sort of Metamorphosis of which the outcome is yet unclear. This said, I nevertheless and even more so believe in the power of sharing personal quests, especially when life starts off looking more like a tight knit ball of yarn rather than a fluffy white cloud. So…

…Take a cup of tea and a good moment – which might be now – and the invitation to reconnect and dive into this human experience, that I’m hoping to share with you here…

Where to start? How much details will you want to know or see? Feel free to skim read and jump into the chapters and images that resonate most in you :) My personal favorite are the reflections on my time in Tamera this past summer. At the end of this typographic journey I put a package of links and resources, that I can recommend, if some of the turns I took caught your interest.

Hearing your thoughts and voices on this will be much appreciated. 

<3

The following are the illustrations – they are drawn on paper with a ball pen. Original size is DIN A2.

// Stuckness and inner unrest \\

Some of you have probably had similar experiences in your life of feeling stuck or held down by circumstances. The worst part about it, is that they were actually created and shaped by your own decisions and actions. You can see the track that you’ve put yourself on carry you to the horizon… if then you notice that instead of feeling calm it might give you a feeling of unrest – like it did within me – it might be time to pause and take a moment to adjust the inner compass needle and set you on a different track…

Some thoughts prior to what comes next, can be found in my sharing from 2017 > „Should I stay or should I go“

// Living in a compromise \\

This feeling of unrest had accumulated over years within me living in a compromise: originally I had hoped to spend more time of my life in the US and Canada – 2013/2014 was the last big leap on that, after which I settled on a very nice compromise: I ended up living in my cozy little family home in small town Werder, which seemed very attractive with its garden, the nearby nature and lakes, my parents, who mostly don’t get younger, my old and new good friends and last but not least its close proximity to metropolitan Berlin, where I was part of a great network and self-organized co-working space for socio-ecological change. Yet, somehow the picture that looked so nice from the outside, more and more often didn’t feel like my final calling on the inside. Additionally, my work as an illustrator and graphic designer for eco-social change didn’t seem to have the impact I saw was necessary in these pressing times of change, also it was lacking something I really love: being part of a team, synergetically creating unexpected wonderful outcomes. At the same time being in front of foldable electrical device most of the day, fostered the romantic vision of being outside, exploring and understanding nature.

One morning in January 2018, during my run I stopped to look over the lake and at the birds (long-tailed tits, deut. „Schwanzmeisen“) in the trees and the idea of studying at the University for Sustainable Development in Eberswalde (short HNEE) popped into my head. Many of my really good friends had studied there and the image of diving into the natural world seemed incredibly attractive and over-due. It seemed very seductive to enter the comfortable and well-networked cosmos of university life again, in which I had been able to thrive so well, before.

// The inner Unrest and the Dark Matter

The inner unrest became so prominent, the outer circumstances I had brought myself into seemed to cling on me and fix me to the ground (responsibilities for housing, financial pressure to survive, my dog, unstable relationships with men, not finding enough time to regenerate – a vicious cycle) – they made me immovable – lack of energy, lack of money, lack of vision, lack of braveness, a good portion of stress and something that I call the dark matter* were building up more and more. 

*a mindset, that leads your thoughts into cynical hopelessness for yourself and the world, suffocating the last bit of your loving appreciation for the world and yourself. I had decided to fight the „dark matter“. At some point in February I had enough pity with myself to just say ‚STOP’ whenever such thoughts appeared. Maybe it was thanks to the aspirations for what was to come in March…

// The HERO’S Journey //

After three years on my schedule I finally treated myself to a gift for my 31st Birthday: a week-long seminar of personal growth through self-experience, involving theater pedagogical elements, as well as aspects of gestalt theory. The hopes were high, that through the Hero’s Journey (Heldenreise) I could find back into my energy and strength and develop the zest for life I once had. 

It was definitely a life-changing event. This journey is very different for each individual person, as it sets out to facilitate (re)connecting with one’s heart’s desire and face what is in the way of achieving that. It’s an abundant experience and it really gave me a kick-start to get myself out of my stuckness. A wonderful opportunity with time & space to reconnect with my inner most wish and calling, which is set around nature, mother earth, forests and animals and – still – the deep calling I hear coming from the land of North America. Many parts in me were able to come back to life during this journey and I learned to love and use the energy of my anger. In Shiatsu Massage anger is connected to the element of wood and stands for growth. It shows up where growth and freedom are suppressed… The journey was tough, I got sick at day three and my strength was challenged; when other people seemed to move on I felt I was in a different place, lagging behind. Mastering the challenge to be fine with where I was and learning that it wouldn’t help to compare my journey to those of others let me to go out of the journey even stronger…

My focus was re-set, my compass needle clear and the vision tangible.

// A vision on the inside and a clear message for the outside

The experience of the Hero’s Journey gave me the strength that I had needed for announcing to my housemates and my family that starting in October I would no longer function as the knit and hub of this place: I would finally leave – not knowing where the road would take me. It was such a freeing moment. And it seemed that nobody around me was much taken by surprise, they were rather supportive and affirmative of my decision.

Now that it was clear that I would step out of my function as a supporting pillar, the whole system around me started to shift and rearrange itself. The housing situation, my family, my housemates…

The time until October was filled with opportunities to foster and develop my vision: being part of a community based nature conservation project in the (pine) forests of the West Coast of the USA (or – given the Trumpumstances – Canada…) New for me was the focus on plants, trees, actually pine trees, which before I had not felt very connected to. My main interest in the natural world had always been set around animals, and if there were trees at all, it would be deciduous (broad-leafed) trees. So this was an unfamiliar focal point for me. Particularly noteworthy was the Douglas Fir, which seems to send me signs of knowing and trust every once in a while. Looking at it from the distance, actually little surprise considering their provenance: the U.S. West Coast. 

The question was, how and when to get there… 

During a phone call with the University in Eberswalde I was able to draw out the details of the different study programs they offer and modalities of student life. The dog shelters on the forest campus were very convincing. This place seemed like a really good fit for me and Eddie. Plan B would’ve been Freiburg in the South of Germany, yet a lot further away and a LOT more expensive with 500€ tuition fees for each Semester – which makes a major difference if you study and have to work at the same time…

// Which Study program? Landscape conservation or International Forest Ecosystem Management BSc?

At first I thought studying insects and little mammals in the field seems very appealing, but speaking to my friends who had studied in Eberswalde, Philipp, Lisa, Conny and my oldest friend Kathi I realized, that International Forest Ecosystem Management (IFEM) would fit much closer with my vision: focus on forests, classes in english, a practical semester abroad.

// Forests and Climate Change

In the meanwhile the summer in middle Europe and in North America had become a time of drought and forests fires. In Germany the end of the era of the (flat-rooted) spruce was heralded, the next year bark beetle invasions would shovel their graves. Even the forests of Scandinavia were burning. Along the U.S. West Coast there were several large scale fires – the dear forests, that I felt so connected and drawn to were vanishing before my eyes. My heart was crying. It was only then, looking at this global forest crisis, that I realized that my study subject plays a major role for the future of this planet as we know it. The effects of Climate Change and the misconception of forest conservation – i.e. preventing naturally occurring fires for decades and centuries – had led to large-scale out of control forest fires… Concerning the existence and anthropogenic nature of Climate Change there are no more doubts within me, by now. 

// Eberswalde – Entering the Metamorphosis \\

Eventually in late August I got admitted to the University for Sustainable Development in Eberswalde and I was convinced to quickly find myself and Eddie a new home –…well, it took a bit longer than expected. On the way many fellows-in-search reached out to me to see if we can start a flat share together. One of them stood out and even followed my spontaneous invitation to the big Farewell Garden Party in Werder early September. His name is BENjamin.

There certainly was a commitment from his side for finding a place together and it was great support to share space and time with him during these first weeks in Eberswalde; me in a guest room, him in a tent in an allotment garden, after a month we shared a sublet flat….Until end of December we knocked on doors, put up posters with our faces, biked through different neighborhoods, and eventually thanks to Ben’s eager manner of simply asking – found a place in the little village of Spechthausen, amidst the great forests of Eberswalde – where black and green woodpeckers, wolves and elks, wild boars, kingfishers, badgers and now three more happy humans and a dog reside. 

We hadn’t settled here if it wasn’t for Lisa, who was the third founding member (or fourth, if you count Eddie) of our flat share. In January 2019 we moved in. 

It was a crazy time, you can imagine: studying, working (during lectures in class), organizing a place to live, relocating… A giant THANK YOU (!!!) to Carolin Oelsner at this point who really helped me get through this whole study-work-time by weaving me into many good collaborations for work. 

// Connecting the creative, scientific & spiritual self

My new year’s resolutions for 2019 were set to bridging the creative, scientific and spiritual self within me. Clearly the bridge coming from the scientific side going to the spiritual side still needed to be built…

Let’s put this aside for now and speak about it in a year or so to see how far I’ve really come with integrating the three – maybe it will be part of the glorious post-metamorphosis-time, when life is light an easy ;) (I wish I’d believe my own writing…).

// EXAM PHASE

February 2019 definitely held some brain power time for me – I really enjoyed the intensity of the exam phase, learning together with my room mates and colleagues; zoology, botany with Professor Schill, who some call the George Clooney of Botany ;), wood science, global actors in forest management, entomology, wildlife management, sustainability lectures, soil science, business administration, socio-economics… my head was full and felt disproportionally big, yet my view of the world had become ever more clear and ever more drastic. To keep it short: we’re running late and a lot needs to change and shift in the global, local and personal systems. If much of what we learned in the first semester was to be part of the common knowledge, the world would look a lot different. In a positive way.

// Three weeks of semester break: back to the hands

To catch a balance to the brain work I spent one week volunteering in a landscape maintenance project with Bergwaldprojekt on an island in the baltic sea, tearing out and cutting young birches and pine trees in meadow fields – something I honestly wouldn’t do again and am not sure if I approve of it regarding the dynamics of life and climate change… the other weeks were spent with fasting and doing taxes, as well as a little birthday celebration.

// Finding out about new tracks: the concept of UNESCO Biosphere Reserves

During the first semester I learned about UNESCO Biosphere Reserves (BR) – there are over 700 sites around the world that are part of the „MAB – Man and the Biosphere“ Program (the name definitely needs some refurbishing in my opinion) – You might’ve heard the term „Biosphere“ or „Biosphere Reserve“, but just like me before having studyied IFEM, you probably have a very vague idea of the concept behind it. Let me tell you, it really inspired me as it is a very holistic approach in which humans are seen as part of nature and in which nature conservation and land-use are ruled out in participatory decision-making processes. There are strictly protected areas for conservation of biodiversity, which are open only to scientific research and monitoring, so called „Core Zones“ these are embedded in „Buffer Zones“, in which humans enjoy nature, doing leisure activities and education, and there is a third zone, the „Transition Zone“ in which humans live and work, ideally doing so in the most sustainable way. By the way, the word German word for sustainability (Nachhaltigkeit) has its origins in forest management for which people needed to think into the future in order to have wood available for the following generations. 

The administration of a Biosphere Reserve has many tasks, yet one that I find very important is drawing connections between the people inhabiting and tending the land and the fostering of the self-sustaining functions of the biosphere reserve as a socio-ecological system. BRs are seen as real-life laboratories and potential role models for how the Sustainable Development Goals – you’ve probably heard of them by now – can be realized. 

// Creating spaces and \\

Creating these spaces and connections, communicating and inviting is something I can see myself doing and being happy doing so. The US has sadly withdrawn most of its sites from the MAB program in December 2018… but this doesn’t mean the decision is permanent – and I would love to help establish a BR on the West Coast. „Worst“ case, there are also some great Biosphere Reserves in Canada :)

Hopefully this little excursion to the world of biospheres wasn’t too technical. I appreciate hearing about your insights, associations and experiences with the concept and term, if you like to share :). In Germany many BRs were decided top-down so often people living there don’t identify much with the concept or larger region… 

// IFEM – A reality check on the upcoming curriculum…

With this inspiring idea in my mind and looking at the curriculum for the next semesters, I realized that I don’t see myself measuring breast height diameters and crown densities of trees, learning about the economics of forest roads and harvesting trees. Most of the things that really caught my interest already happened in the first two semesters. If there wasn’t more offers on plant and animal course, at least I would want to have more time to improve my soft skills. And concerning my planned practical semester abroad, with a bachelor as a framework, being over 30, it might be hard to find a good place, where people trust to give me responsibility…

…so I started thinking about taking a shortcut and looked at the option of a masters program which is consecutive to the IFEM program: Global Change Management (GCM). It also included a practical / research semester, which I thought could fit well with my plans for working in a biosphere reserve. The group of master students would be more international with 40% of the them coming from outside of Germany. It would be a lot more participatory and more time working in small groups, and: I would qualify for the federal student loan again, which meant that I wouldn’t have to work as much while studying. 

The more I found out about it, the more it seemed like the perfect next tracks to set myself on 

… so I applied for it. 

– at this point I can only point out again how much time I spent sitting in front of a computer, working, applying, „taxing“, while Ben and Lisa were tending the garden, planting bushes and seedlings or sitting in the kitchen socializing… this is why most of you probably have not heard much from me… my body wasn’t so happy, in consequence my soul wasn’t bursting of joy either – my system was out of balance – …

// Bialowieza | Poland Excursion

But before starting the next chapter of the metamorphosis, I would like to rest and take another moment to appreciate the great time we had in June during a 10-day excursion to the east of Poland discovering young blue jays, giant ash and oak trees in the richness of the old-growth forests of Bialowieza, seeing elks in the landscape of Biebrza and singing a blues about the „beaver fever“ with Lisa canoeing down the river – simply enjoying to be with people, who share the same interest and curiosity for nature, and who are as appreciative of the liveness of dead wood – can life be more wonderful?!

////////// SUMMER & TAMERA /////////////

// Summer Break: Taxes, taxes, and a Global Change Maker Conference in Tamera, Portugal

As my choice for following the path of the GCM master study program became stronger, I let go of some of the IFEM courses, knowing that this potentially could backfire in case I didn’t get accepted to the Master program, but sometimes you have to play risky to survive. Less courses meant less exams meant more time for: taxes! So I spent a lot of my time doing taxes and the last bit of courses that I liked, like scientific writing, which included a paper on Biosphere Reserves – that was definitely very appealing to me – content wise and acquiring a new method.

Once I had finished the tax declaration and was ready to get on the road with Ben, for our travels to Portugal, I got the message, that my 78 year old father wasn’t doing well and needed to go to the hospital – it was a rather nerve wracking situation, imagine, after having worked and worked for the system and you finally want to go do something for yourself, something to recharge you, that feels really important to you, and instead you hear rather devastating news –

…after some good news from the hospital and my father telling me to go take off, we went.

We smoothly hitchhiked to Paris where we visited my friend Léo in the cutest Parisian family apartment, but only briefly, as we took the direct bus line to Lisbon the next morning. It was great to be traveling again, seeing sunsets and moonrises over unfamiliar landscapes. A breeze of magic in the air my tent in the backpack. 20 hours later our feet touched ground in a beautiful and different place where pastry is tasty and affordable: Lisboa. :)

 In the evening we already found ourselves in the very special place of Tamera. Some people know Tamera for their research and openness for free(d) love and sexuality, for me it was the ecological aspect, the way they asked the land before settling, the way they created a water retention landscape in a dried out area, so the water can be absorbed and held by the land to nourish vegetation which nourishes life and biodiversity, which nourishes the soil. I’ve long been wanting to visit and see this place. The trust and attitude of abundance they show, left a mark in my system. We felt lucky to experience this place, where creatures of life seem in synchronicity with each other. We pitched our tent under the starry sky and quickly fell asleep with the crickets in the background. Later during another night at the seminar, I woke up to find that the people sleeping in the tents around me were snoring harmonies – it was like a nice melodic sound carpet, and not bothersome at all. I guess this describes the atmosphere pretty well. In the hills every once in a while you would hear wild boars and dogs, sometimes a pleasureful moaning under a moonlit night sky…

For further information about Tamera, you can check out their website: https://www.tamera.org/

// The Time in Tamera – August 2019

The original reason why I was there, was the Global Change Maker Conference – Defend the Sacred.

Due to being in an emotionally unstable state and feeling a bit burned out – after this lengthy time of work and study and taxes (!) – and not finding the hold I needed within me or outside of me, I felt that I was not tapping into the whole potential of what was there at the conference for connecting with the people, that I was hoping to connect with – especially since there were activist from the US, who had been protesting at Standing Rock trying to stop the Dakota Access Pipeline and fighting for clean water. An event that I feel I should’ve joined at the time.…

In order to make up for this incapacity of connecting during the conference, I decided to stay longer and also attend the Activist Intensive Seminar. We were lucky to fill in the last two spots on the list. The day between the two seminars was probably one of the most regenerative of the year, sitting by the swimming pond, taking baths and being up on the hill with the stones in prayer. In Tamera many special things happened… the first gathering on the hill with the stone circle was accompanied by an incredible moon rise… one day animals really took notice of me, a blackbird eyeing at me on the path, a fish in the pond staying next to me looking at me for what seemed like a minute, a cat by the stone circle, a tiny spider crawling over my clothes… one evening there was an „ecstatic dance“ guided by one of the participant and we joined in on a global collective prayer for the Amazon, dancing, enacting the drama, symbolically stomping out the fire – my body became the expression of an animal on all fours moving across the floor between the legs of the humans, looking up to them in horror… I felt very scared as the animal that I was incorporating… the next morning, a participant shared the news, that a big thunderstorm came and extinguished 40% of the fires… 

// …all these feelings wanted to be felt… and expressed. 

We participated in the forum, a format that helps members of a community to express their feelings and emotions, by word, by gestures, with their voice – these are then mirrored and interpreted by the group holding the space for the member in the center – being seen and recognizing that their trauma is part of a collective trauma helps them understand and heal. Tamera’s community has existed and thrived over 20 years now and the forum has played a key role in dealing with and healing the traumas present in everyone, connecting rather than separating the people.

The Activist Intensive Seminar really was a time of unlearning. Noticing so strongly my expectations of efficiency and structure towards such an event. I really was challenged by the short notices of the schedule, we barely knew by breakfast when the seminar was to start and let alone what was going to happen. No schedules, but meetings in circle and sometimes in small groups. For me, it seemed much potential for connecting with each other was wasted by spending so much time in plenary and mostly listening to the same four people speak (Gigi Coyle, Sabine Lichtenfels, Benjamin Mendelsohn and …). There was much talk about community spirit but I’ve never felt so little community spirit despite such a long time (more than 5 days) with such great people in the same place. I saw so much untapped potential – there are so many great methods and tools that facilitate how people can meet, break ice and share with another what really matters, so they connect on a deeper level and create together from there. But maybe this wasn’t so much about creating together than actually just being together.

// Pray or act?

At the end of the seminar stood a trip to the highest mountain in Portugal to support Jon Quigly with an aerial art to protest the planned lithium mining in Portugal – standing up for clean water, once again. Half the group was to go on a 8hr bus trip and participate, and the other half was to hold base and pray together, singing, creating artwork, being with each other. There was about a day and a half spent in plenaries so everyone could figure out, what was their calling, what was their right place to be. For me, I ended up – actually with Ben also – being one of the last two people unclear where to be. Going to the activist event seemed natural, so I thought I should try and challenge myself by staying. I told the group I was flexible in terms of going or staying, depending if there wasn’t enough space on the bus. In the end, my decision was clear, I would stay. The groups split and sitting with the base group looking around I immediately felt the need to be with the activist group. I went to the other group, entering the room I saw that Ben was still in the process of deciding. We ended up both joining the bus ride to the mountain. It was great. Finally a community and group spirit developed, leaving and arriving in the middle of the night, sleeping and sitting on the bus brought the group closer together – or at least it brought me closer to the group. Arriving at the top of the mountain in the morning and seeing the trash laying around I asked if some of us wanted to join in a little clean-up session, which turned out to be much appreciated and a great activity for starting a conversation and feeling useful at the same time. 

// The Aerial Art „Water is Life“ – A ceremony on top of the mountain.

The ceremony for the aerial art itself was, well, very ceremonial, everyone walked up solemnly to create a very large circle around the art piece, in the center a drum resembling a heart beat and a woman speaking a prayer. Some of us weren’t so sure if this wasn’t a bit too „Tameran“ and spiritual for the „regular“ activists, who had come to protest doing it the „normal“ way, not necessarily expecting to be participate in a spiritual ceremony. It seemed the Tamera delegation was dominating with their English songs, when there could’ve been more room for Portuguese songs. There seemed a gap between these two worlds – a gap that I carry within me and feel so strongly the need to bridge. I understand both – we need the spiritual and we need the pragmatic and rational to create together. In a patriarchic world dominated by structure, straight-forwardness, pseudo-rationality and efficiency a self-feeding machine developed, in which the organically moving, the wondering, the emotional connection, the soft and inviting „maybe“ – as Ele Jansen would put it – got lost on the way and have become under-appreciated and devalued – mostly by the prevalent economic system, which has had its focus on product (output) and profit (income), not on the wellbeing of human souls and nature. Tamera is trying to create an answer to this system, which puts them very far on the other end of the pendulum, which can cause such cultural gaps as we saw on the mountain. 

// Standing on a Giant Rock: a mountain – can be very grounding…

In Tamera and on the mountain where we protested I realized the grounding effect that rocks can have for me. Sabine Lichtenfels called pebbles „cellphones to the universe“ ;) They helped me be fine with myself and being in contact with them supported my inner thought world. The time in Tamera was a lot about finding more self-love, the ability of self-care and also about recognizing thought patterns within me – feeling alone, feeling without hold and overwhelmed by your own life and to-do-list, you can get stuck there and end up in the pattern of self-victimization – but what does it help you? What does it help to blame others or the circumstances of the system for your suffering? What does it help to give the responsibility to the outside world? It only lets you stay in your comfort zone of suffering and self-pity. Anyone who comes from the outside to save you will most likely be drained by your self victimization. Realizing, the only person that will save you is you. What could happen then, if you took yourself and navigated yourself out of there – actually seeing and feeling the gratitude for what is there within and around you? Wow, could you actually, maybe, become happy? But, hey, can I allow myself to actually be happy? Can I allow myself rest? Allow myself to love myself?

Certainly with these lines, I show how much of the time I’ve felt alone, despite so often having felt connected with people like you, many of whom I would call my friends – yet after wondering in the world, changing places and social fields every four to seven years or so I have navigated myself into a landscape of seeing many wonderful human beings in my life, but very few to have a constantly deep relationship with – it requires time, which requires prioritization, which requires overcoming the threshold of the to-do-list and my increasing aversion to technological devices and need for rest and real life connections. Maybe my expectations of myself are too high, but I guess it can be a consequence if you choose to walk on a new path which leads you away and to new places, where it takes time to learn the new things, get to know new people, make friends…

// Metamorphosis – A state of not being distinct anymore nor being distinct again yet

This metamorphosis – and now we’re getting more to what this lengthy ‚preambly‘ explanation of my journey was supposed to get you ready for – is not an easy thing. Taken my taxes for example: as soon as I got a routine with them I had to opt up to VAT taxes, as soon as I got myself into that I started studying and receiving a federal student loan and also working as an academic assistant – so again a whole new financial situation again that needs to be dealt with and creates a bureaucratic background noise. But besides that, it really is being a beginner again that is challenging, being unfamiliar with so many things, topics, chains of causation, situations – constant learning. My brain seems to remember only half of it in its awake state – I dream a crazy lot and in rare clear moments my memory can be very precise again… it surely would be easier to build on an already existing mountain of knowledge. When I think of Professor Dr Ibisch who is an expert for forest ecosystems, acquiring new scientific findings and connecting that with this large network of information and experiences and people in his head, surely goes a lot quicker, than for me, who is still creating the basis of such a network in my head. It can be very discouraging being exposed to situations where my lack of knowledge, experiences and skills is more present than the skills which are present. But you know, the greatest moments are, when I am outside this university bubble, speaking to random people on the train or in a park who do not have any clue of all this ecosystem and forest and climate change thing and how relevant and severe it is, then I realize, hey, I can actually explain why we should invest in structure-rich mixed forests in this region (instead of pine monocultures) and why death and decay in the forest are so darn important and why industrial agriculture should take a closer look at agroforestry or natural farming… 

Sharing is caring. We should share our knowledge (experiences and insights) with each other. In Tamera there was a lot of talk about a global network and feeling part of a bigger group of people whose intention is the healing of the earth’s wound – that we’re not alone. You’re not alone. I’m not alone in this. 

To get back to chronology, in September I started studying and working as an academic assistant.

// Global Change Management and working for Bernau.Pro.Klima

This time my entry to the first semester was smooth and easy – I had housing, I had money, I knew my way around, I already had my english language test approved, I was actually able to fully focus on my study program. Such a reward. Everything was like a massage to my back and a deeper relieve in the body. Since we have a classroom I could bring Eddie with me. Our semester was divided into block seminars, with weeks of free time – really what I needed. We were even provided with team building seminars. The first week started with an excursion to a nearby city called Bernau and its surrounding, doing an ecosystem diagnostics analysis – basically looking at the influences of the health and degradation of the different ecosystems: water, open land, suburban areas. Something I had done before with one of my favorite course in IFEM – doing bike tours to different regions.

Concerning Bernau Prof Ibisch is leading a project called Bernau.Pro.Klima which develops in a participatory way an ecosystem-based climate change adaptation strategy and measures for the city of Bernau. During my IFEM semester I asked Prof Ibisch if I could attend some of the participatory workshops of the project and he asked me back if I would like to become an academic assistant to the project. I very happily said YES! 

And I off I dove into a whole new sphere of learning and seeing and being challenged…so my main contributions to the project are certainly on the visual side – I heard people say the project made a visual quantum jump since I joined the team – and indeed I enjoyed preparing the materials for the participatory planning workshops and taking photos, and I also really enjoyed just being with the team, working with Juliane Geyer and Maren Michaelsen, appreciating their diverse personalities and skills of thought, analysis, moderation and communication. Physically carrying things from A to B, letting things look nice, arranging the room. My secret wish to become a facilitator (which by now, is not secret any more, obviously) was challenged simply by the realization that I could not see myself (yet) moderating a mixed group of stakeholders present in the planning workshops: farmers, foresters, city council folks, curious citizens, fridays for future youngsters, nature park administration, etc. 

The facilitation chapter is one, that yet needs to be written and it has to be, if participatory decision making processes are what keeps calling me. I am still wondering what could be the solution for losing my thought in the middle of a conversation (not a new phenomena)? How can my raw skill of physically emotionally sensing my outside world contribute to the act of facilitation in a world that tries so hard to be rational and scientific?

I see a chance for me, when thinking of collective leadership, in which it is more the offering of the space and right tools to nudge the group into a collective decision making…

// Trusting in the all-connectedness: Systems Thinking

A great gift of the study program to me was the module ‚Systems Functionality and Change‘, which basically provided the scientific underpinning of ‚my’ spiritual world view in which everything in the universe is seen as ultimately interconnected. Regarding earth it means: The globe as an overarching system, with many subsystems (ecosystems) which are affected by the overarching system and at the same time affect the overarching system as well as other neighboring or overlapping systems, of which human made structures and systems are elements and subsystems, of which the individual is a part of and affects the systems their embedded in. We as individuals have a greater impact than we think. Just think of the Mitchondrium, which a long time back in evolution as an independent procaryote decided to go into symbiosis with an animal cell: an endosymbiosis. These small elements all play such a vital role to our body working as running system.

Basically no action (or thought) goes un-noticed – causal chains often don’t appear linear – the butterfly effect. The only limit is our belief.

With these final words of openness and possibility in the air I hope amidst all these thoughts and images there is something that stirs within you and that can help us (re)connect now, and when we meet again in person.

For those of you in the US and Canada, I hope to see you sometime between late summer 2020 and spring 2021 – I am still in search of the „right“ place for me; thoughts and connections are appreciated. Key words of search are:
#biospherereserves
#nature conservation-landuse-conflicts
#participatory-methods-and-processes
#westcoast
#facilitation
#human-to-nature-connection

Sending forest love and sunlight,
Jenni Ottilie